i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
