i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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