Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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