hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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