Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize