the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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