Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
