Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
