just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize