i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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