Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
