How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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