well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
