I want to stick my p in your. b.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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