Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
