ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
