just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
