for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
