getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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