Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it glows. i had to have it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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