Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
