yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
