they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
