I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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