My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
