"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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