if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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