she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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