My hand turned me down
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
