Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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