More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize