if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
