First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In America we eat man semen.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
