I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
