She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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