My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
