I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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