i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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