My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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