Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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