dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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