some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
