ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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