She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize