end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
