I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i think i just lost a toe
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