Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
