i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
