based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
