drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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