i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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