I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
