cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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