"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
