Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
