mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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