If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think my vagina is haunted
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
