i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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