She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
