your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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