At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
