Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
