At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
