I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
