yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sext me about skeletons
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
