dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
