he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
