I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
