he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
