I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
