Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
