lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
