The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
