I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He better not be in your backpack
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
