I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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