and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
