my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
