I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
