There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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